If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
