I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
