You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
