I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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