that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize