did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I want to fling myself into the sun
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
