well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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