Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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