i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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