Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize