i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Rumble strips road head = magical
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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