I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
