That's intense
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
