I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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