Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
