I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
