you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize