we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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