so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
