i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
