She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
