She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
