drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
