i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
