shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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