Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
