Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
