she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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