Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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