im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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