I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
