Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
