My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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