I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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