My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
