His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
