A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
