We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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