Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
