your room smells of hookers.
And success
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
