I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize