Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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