Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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