almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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