im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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