your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
