I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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