So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
