Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
