she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
