im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize