I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize