he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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