I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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