My nipple is on Facebook.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
