I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize