We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
