I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His hands were made for my vagina.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
