You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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