I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
