So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
