Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
