If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we're making bets on your personal life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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