Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
