I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
