I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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