dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
