Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize