It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
