I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
