office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
