Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
