im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize