so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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