i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
