You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
