no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
