Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
