I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
