covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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