i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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