For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
