Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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